the thirty dares

thirty dares in two cities
by Dan LeFranc




instructions for
a performance
featuring thirty poorly-staged artifacts
for two actors (m&f), a director, a dramaturg, and a playwright
living apart in providence, ri and cambridge, ma
to be generated and presented
with less than ten hours
of rehearsal
for dozens of people




1.



include
an audio recording of
the entire trip
on the mbta
from the amtrak station in providence, ri
to south station in boston, ma
between the dates
monday, september 8th, 2008
and friday, september 12th, 2008


2.



include
a recording of
a re-enactment of that trip
which can be
re-created on the train ride
back to providence
or
somewhere else
or
before a live audience

the re-enactment should sound as identical to the original recording as possible


3.

spend at least half an hour of rehearsal
staging a small scene from the country wife

the dramaturg should do his best to remember
everything in the room
that is spoken
that is NOT the text of the country wife

the actors will then incorporate that text
into the final performances



4.

include
an audio recording
of the two actors
speaking dialogue
from a scene
in a movie
they both LOVE

and i mean LOVE
find that movie
that
when you find out someone else loves it as much as you do
drastically increases the chances
that you’ll sleep with them that night

if that connection does not exist between you
fake it

the dialogue ought to
sound very very different
than it does
in the original





5.


include
a photograph
of the male and female actors
in that au bon pain
by ART


6.


include
a photograph
of the male and female actors
in that au bon pain
on thayer street




(the two photographs should be as stylistically distinct from each other as possible

be extreme

be grotesque

what would cindy do?)





7.


include
a live performance
of a phone call
at least one of the collaborators
makes to a parent

call your parent
and ask them everything they know
about the city you DON’T live in
(i.e. providence residents ask their parent to tell them about cambridge)

don’t record the conversation
but as soon as you hang up the phone
write down everything they said
exactly as you remember it
(stutters and mental hiccups included)

then
perform it for us
as you see fit



8.



create
a short video
of the two actors
dressed as
each other
driving in a car
from cambridge, ma
to providence, ri

(hey
it’s pretty clear
the dramaturgs were looking for
some drag)

the drag should be exaggerated
maybe even to the point
where we can barely recognize
who they’re dragging


perhaps the actors are having
a conversation about a time in their lives
when they were deceived


9.



create
an illustration of the two actors dressed as each other in grotesque drag driving in a car
this should be illustrated BEFORE that moment occurs
and preferably by neither of the actors

how about the director?



10.




include
a collection of all
the wrappers, cups, etc.
that all the collaborators
accumulated during this process

they should be arranged in groups
keeping as many identical objects together
as possible

it’s up to you
what the hell
to do with this shit
in performance



11.


include
a series of text messages
passed between
two collaborators
watching the same movie in a movie theater
at roughly the same time
in the two different cities


the text conversation should be related to the movie they’re watching


it could be commentary on the movie itself
or flirtation
or kvetching
maybe an imagined dialogue between the characters in the movie

or not


12.



include
a photograph of
the characters from the country wife
rehearsing one of the other playwrights’ bake-offs
in cambridge, ma in 2008

try to get the clothing right



13.


create
a pair of short videos of
the two actors
reading the conversation
between horner and quack
from act i scene i
of the country wife


the actors should be talking to each other
on the phone
one in providence
one in cambridge

in providence
the conversation will take place while walking down benefit street

in cambridge
the conversation will take place sitting on a bench next to the charles river


they should be filmed simultaneously


sunglasses?



14.


include
a picture of every door
every collaborator passes through
between the dates
monday, september 8th, 2008
and friday, september 12th, 2008


15.


include
a series of postcards
that have been sent back and forth
between providence, ri
and cambridge, ma
between the dates
monday, september 8th, 2008
and friday, september 12th, 2008


the postcards should be sent between the participants’ homes
as many times as possible




the postcards should contain thoughts
the participants remember having
when they were first told
the story of
their parents’ meeting




when you receive a postcard
eliminate a portion of the text
and send it back to the sender
keep this up until there’s no longer time


i think
this might create
a kind of
postal echo




16.


include
a copy of the dramaturgy packet
shredded and formed into a nest



the nest will be sent down a body of water
preferably the charles river
as the collaborators hum
a kind of melancholic lullaby


i wanna see tears


document this
document the shredding too




17.


the other playwrights
are bound to make some cuts
from their original bake-offs
during their re-write/rehearsal process

get a hold of
as much of that text
as you can
and incorporate it into the final performances

be sneaky
don’t let them know what you’re up to

although
i guess since
this is going to be read
in front of everyone
that kinda ruins that idea

oh well
so they know now
big deal
do it anyway



18.



include
an abstract sculpture
of the I-95
the dramaturg will make
out of any materials he likes
during our first rehearsal

don’t take more than fifteen minutes
and don’t use paper


19.


bring treats for the audience
that were brought
from the city
where the presentation that day
is NOT taking place

the treats may NOT be from an establishment both cities share
(i.e. chains)



20.


make sure
the presentation of those treats
to the audience
is accompanied by a song
that compliments
the generosity of the action

it might be the same
melancholic lullaby
sung to say farewell to the dramaturgy nest
only tweaked
to bring joy
instead of sorrow


21.


include
a reading of
a parking violation
attained by one of the participants between
monday, september 8th, 2008
and friday, september 12th, 2008


come on
who’s willing to take one for the team?




22.


include
a lullaby
a parent of one of the collaborators
would sing to her or him
before she or he went to sleep


or



a song
one of the collaborators associates
with the first person they fell in love with


the person who owns this memory should sing or hum the song




perform the song
while something beautiful
happens to
the parking violation

23.


listen for
a memorable sound made
on sunday, september 7th
by someone in the room during
the first readings of the bake-offs

incorporate the sound into at least one of the short videos



24.


include
a short video of the movie
the two actors LOVE
without the audio

preferably from the scene(s) they borrowed the dialogue from


maybe this is the same movie
two collaborators watched
in a movie theater
in the two different cities


wouldn’t that be COOL?



25.


this one’s important

the space where this performance takes place
cannot be one of the places this performance
is SUPPOSED to take place

no matter
if all the fine folks organizing this event
continue to tell you
“i don’t care what dan wrote
this piece must take place in one of the previously designated areas!”

ignore them

it MUST take place somewhere else
and NOT somewhere that’s owned or overseen
by ART, Harvard, or Brown University

if they get really pissed and decide to cut our presentations
perform them for everyone later
or online
or by yourself


26.


at least one space where this piece is rehearsed
CANNOT be a space where this piece is supposed to be rehearsed

no matter
if all the fine folks organizing this event
continue to tell you
“i don’t care what dan wrote
this piece must be rehearsed in one of the previously designated areas!”

ignore them

you MUST hold at least one rehearsal somewhere else
and NOT somewhere that’s owned or overseen
by ART, Harvard, or Brown University

bring something from that space back with you
and incorporate it into the performance


27.


create a silent moment that in some way
involves the photographs
of all the doors
the participants
passed through


28.


include
a live re-enactment
of a moment or two from
the readings of
the six other bake-off pieces


if our presentation
is not last
anticipate what the ones
that follow
will be like


(and obviously
you’ll know more
about the readings
after the first round of presentations)


re-enact them as precisely as possible
and try your best
to avoid
parody



this isn’t about making fun of other people’s hard work
seriously


29.


find a way to incorporate the text of these dares into the final presentations



30.


keep the performance under thirty minutes
cuz let’s be honest
no one’s gonna wanna sit through more than thirty minutes of this thing

if that means
that some of the final performance
must occur between the other readings
or during intermissions
or on a website
or a phone
then go for it

but if you decide to place pieces between the other readings
please do so respectfully

hey
maybe the whole thing takes place during the intermissions?

yeah
actually
part of it MUST take place
in some form
outside of our designated performance times
cuz hey
why not?

and just in case it’s not clear
the dares do NOT have to be performed in the order
they’re arranged here
nor do they need to be discreet elements
nor do they need to be “performed”


the nature of the “performance”
is entirely up
to the participants

all i ask
is that it cohere in some way


have fun!