Dare #3

DAN: I got Wycherly.

BRENDAN: I thought you said "I got white chili."

DAN: I got white chili.

BRENDAN: Sweet.

DON: Do I have to direct this? Alright, give me SPARKLES!

SHEILA: You're Horatio, or whoever. Horner? Is Q-U the quack?

DAN: Yeah, I think so.

SHEILA: I'll be the quack.

SHAWN: What is a quack? Or like a Restoration period quack?

DAN: Director? Dramaturg?

BRENDAN: It's the sound...

SHAWN: What?

BRENDAN: It's the sound a duck makes. Haw haw.

DON: Not just any duck. A Restoration duck. (Pause.) And, action!

SHAWN: Me? Is this, Italian...or...Latin? What is this?

SHEILA: Let's go to Scene 1.

SHAWN: I was reading the prologue. (Pause.) OK, should I read stage directions as well? Chir-churgeon...anyone? Dramaturg?

BRENDAN: It's olde english for surgeon.

...

DON: Actually, this is a good point to stop. I think I would like for you to, um, give me, um, if you could do your best to bring out the, um, what is it, the, uh, Lucky Charms...

SHAWN: Leprechaun?

SHEILA: Aw, sure.

DON: Yes, and...

SHEILA: This is going to be awesome.

DON: And if you could go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, I think we could start to dig into the...OK, do you need a minute?

SHEILA: No, let's do this.

SHAWN: (Screams, cries.)

DON: You know, this is not the...

SHAWN: Not the direction you want to go?

DON: No, if you could give me more of an, ah, Eeyore? And I'm thinking...

SHEILA: Uh huh.

DON: ...to balance that-- did you see The Princess Bride?

SHAWN: Yeah.

DON: The priest who performed the...

SHAWN: Hm.

OTHERS: Mawwiage.

SHAWN: No R's, OK.

SHEILA: I mean, you know what's best.

DON: Because I was there, y'know.

...

SHAWN: Do you think I could get a vocal coach for this interpretation?

DAN: There is a vocal coach available...but she's in Cambridge...Jane Guyer.

SHAWN: Do we have her number?

BRENDAN: We could call her up, uh, I think I have her number. We could get her on speakerphone.

SHEILA: No, we're...we're joking...

SHAWN: Are we?

DON: I'm a very serious director.

BRENDAN: You know what? I don't get service in here.

DAN: I don't either.

...

SHAWN: So he wants to sleep with all the women?

DON: Let's not get too caught up in the whole pimp thing.

SHAWN: A pimp has feelings too...it's hard out here for a pimp...

DON: So I've heard.

SHAWN: I heard that song won an Oscar.

DON: Making it easier for a pimp...

SHAWN: Out there.

...

SHAWN: OK, how long is the rehearsal of The Country Wife supposed to go...

SHEILA: I'll do Eeyore again...do you want me to take it from--

...

SHEILA: Now what does this mean--

SHAWN: "Anise" is Restoration for...

SHEILA: It's a flower, isn't it?

DON: It's a winter blooming flower that grows...on the Southern slope of the...Northern mountains.

SHEILA: There's a toothpaste that says anise...and it smells like licorice.

...

SHEILA: Maybe we could sing it?

DON: That's what I was thinking next...I also like that you're finding joy in the melancholy of Eeyore.

SHEILA: I didn't want it all to be on one note, I wanted to explore the...

DON: So let's do the singing thing.

SHEILA: Maybe we could do what they did in Spring Awakening?

SHAWN: What did they do in Spring Awakening?

SHEILA: It's a rock musical.

SHAWN: Maybe Horner is going to sleep and the quack is, is, at his bedside, and is tending to him like an invalid...an Imaginary Invalid. So that supports the whole lullaby idea.

DON: That is brilliant.

SHAWN: As if the quack is trying to sing me to sleep.

SHEILA: So I'm singing to you?

SHAWN: I'm going to use this as my bed.

DAN: Oh god, method actors.

SHAWN: OK, I'm laying down.

...

DON: No, no, all wrong, all wrong.

SHEILA: I'm so frustrated.

SHAWN: He's been singing your praises all night, I had to do the Princess Bride thing.

DON: Let's try this once more, and can you try to bring a little more Ozzy Osborne to the lullaby. And the sleeping thing isn't working for me. Could you, and...but could you try a Cindy Lauper thing?

SHAWN: OK, OK.